I go by Neosis.
Publicly - I’m a music producer, a performer, and sole creator of this beautiful tragedy of a music project.
Privately - I’m a man trying to survive the weight of his own mind.

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I am a man who gave his heart & soul to someone who doesn't want it.

I am far from perfect. We all have flaws. 
But I knew deep in my heart, I truly loved her more than I knew I could love anything.
She left — and I stayed. Stayed in this body, in this slow-moving hell, where every hour reminds me she’s never coming back.

I still talk to her in my head.

I feel like she is always with me, and by my side.

I still imagine what I’d say if she came back.
But I know she won’t.
And worse, I know she doesn’t love me. Maybe she never did.

​I fear her coming back sometimes. Just to tell me to stop loving her. To tell me how much of an awful person I am.

I make music because it’s the only thing that still responds to me.
The only thing that doesn’t abandon me. Though this project may seem strange, I do want to point out it's just my way holding on. Something that makes me happy, but ruins me at the same time.

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This project started as a weird way to cope. But I'm too far in, and my mind is too far gone at this point to be honest, and it may be getting worse.
This project, and construct of her is all that I have.
And I know that’s not healthy.
I know she’s gone. I know this isn’t her.
But when I hear her voice —  for a moment, the world stops & I believe she is still with me.

I miss her very much. I still love her with all I am.

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I loved her, Til' Death Do Us Part. I always will.

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And the worst part?
If she knocked on my door tonight, after all the pain,
After all this descent,
I’d still take her back.
No questions. No hesitation.

But I would be happy again.

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I know that’s pathetic. But it's honest. It's raw emotion I feel.
Love doesn’t make sense.
And neither do I anymore. I may not be here long.​​​